(Image via thehindu.com)

In what seems to be the beginning of a new trend in Indian politics, senior Congress leader Mani Shankar Aiyar has decided to switch parties, but only for a little while – the preeminent Gandhi dynasty loyalist has announced that he would be briefly interning with the AIADMK to improve his sycophantic and devotional skills.

“I have been in politics for many, many years now,” the former Panchayati Raj minister told The UnReal Times, “and I hitherto considered myself to be better than even any bloody dog when it comes to loyalty. But having seen the devotion of AIADMK workers for the past few days, I’ve come to realize how bloody infinitesimal I am! So I’ve decided to join the AIADMK for a while and improve myself in loyalty.”

“I was a little apprehensive of approaching Soniaji and Rahul baba with this unusual request, but being the paragons of virtue and God’s very own embodiment of love, divinity and humanity on the face of the universe that they are, both of them had absolutely no problem. Soniaji gladly allowed me a few months off and said that I’m always welcome to return whenever I want. Tears welled up in my eyes then, just like how they’re bloody rolling down now! Sniff!” cried out an emotional Aiyar.

“I’ve a long and grueling training schedule ahead of me – prostration in front of Amma and her posters, self-immolation, head-tonsuring and even suicide attempts for Amma, prayers and thousands of poojas for Amma’s long life, happiness and prosperity etc etc. One important training module I’m looking forward to is the course in Photoshop, which even some folks from The UnReal Times are planning to attend. But at the end of it all, I’m sure it’ll help me a great deal in improving my loyalty towards the God-sent, holy and heavenly dynasty! I will trounce Jha, Diggy, Shukla and others by many a mile!” a determined Aiyar said.

Sources, however, added that Aiyar is also contemplating the idea of interning with AAP, after seeing this tweet by The Ashutosh:

Questioning organisational competence of Arvind Kejriwal is questioning the beauty of Taj Mahal.It is he who created Anna movement and AAP.

— ashutosh (@ashutosh83B) August 13, 2014

Narendra Modi’s most high profile meet after he took over as Prime Minister is expected to take place tomorrow, when he meets Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. Needless to say, mainstream media houses went into a frenzy, preparing to cover this meet:

(Translation: Today on Aap ki Adalat, we have with us, Mark Zuckerberg.
The first charge on Zuckerberg is that he is promoting Candy Crush)

(Image sources: 1-b, 3-a, 3-b, 3-c, 4-a, 5-a, 5-b, 6-a, 7-a, 7-b , 8-a, 8-b.

All other images via India Today)

Incensed by Pakistan’s constant ceasefire violations at the LoC and the International Border, Narendra Modi gave a free hand to the Indian army to retaliate heavily. The dumbstruck Pakistanis, however, continued to bomb Indian villages adjoining the border. That’s when Narendra Modi decided to turn to a more aggressive approach. The UnReal Times correspondent Atul Baskarbe brings you the story in pictures:

Modi (2nd half): Now we’ll have fun!

Kutta = dog

Rajdeep: People only have arms, no class!

2nd half: Run! He’s the devil! Run!

Vijaykanth: Pakistan terrorists are in our control

(Image sources: 3-b, 6-a, 6-b, 7-a, 7-b, 8-a, 8-b, 9-a, 9-b, 10-a, 10-b, 11-a, 11-b, 13-a, 13-b, 14-a, 15-a, 16-b, 17-b.
Rest from indiatoday.com)

Indian child rights campaigner, Kailash Satyarthi, did India proud by winning the Nobel Peace Prize alongwith Pakistani child education activist Malala Yousafzai. However, with fame, comes nuisance value. Early this morning, Kailash’s Gmail inbox was hacked, and its contents circulated on the Internet. A snapshot inevitably made way to The UnReal Times email inbox, and we decided to present it to our readers:

(Click on the image for larger size)

After getting whupped in the first ODI, Team India returned to form in style, with captain Dhoni and star batsman Virat Kohli each notching up half centuries to post a competitive total of 263, and then bowling the Windies out for a total well short of that. After returning to their dressing rooms, the players logged on to Facebook, and the usual banter followed. The UnReal Times correspondent Mark Zuckerpandian brings you the snapshot:

It certainly wasn’t the best of days for senior Congress leader Shashi Tharoor, after the party chose to sack him as its spokesperson, following the former diplomat’s recent praise of Narendra Modi and his positive attitude towards the PMs “Swacch Bharat” campaign. The Thiruvananthapuram MP received a lot of Direct Messages on Twitter after the news broke out. The UnReal Times correspondent and expert Twitter account hacker, Hashtag Jones, brings you an exclusive snapshot:

Facebook founder and chief Mark Zuckerberg recently created a huge buzz in India when he met Prime Minister Narendra Modi. While the bhakts waxed eloquent on Facebook about this rendezvous, the liberals had altogether different takeaways. The UnReal Times liberal correspondent, Niharika Bose, brings you this exclusive list of ten changes to the world’s biggest social network that the liberals anticipate:

1. The new logo

The first change will, in all probability, be in the Facebook logo and the background colour. Modi, after all, denotes Saffron and Hindutva.
This would be the first and foremost demand made by Modi to Zuckerberg.

(Image via zdnet.com)

We’re pretty sure Mamata Banerjee and the TMC would boycott Facebook once it bids goodbye to blue.

(Image via kevinkestler.com)

2. Candy Crush to be replaced with “Clean India” saga

Keeping an ear to his bhakts‘ suggestions, most of whom are hyper-active on cyber-space, Modi is sure to do away with the Candy Crush epidemic on FB.

(Image via funniestmemes.com)

It’s bound to be replaced with the PM’s latest buzzword, the “Clean India” saga.

(Image via bergerpaints.com)

3. Mohan Bhagwat’s posts to appear on all news feeds

When Doordarshan can be used to telecast Mohan Bhagwat’s speech, it won’t be long before the RSS chief’s posts begin to appear on every Facebook user’s news feed, regardless of whether people subscribe to his posts or not:

4. Rana Ayyub’s posts to go missing

Given the times we’re living in, where free speech is under grave threat and fascism is on the rise, be warned that Rana Ayyub’s posts will go missing miraculously:

5. Siddharth Varadarajan’s inability to post

Mr.Varadarajan sure can expect this message very often, whenever he tries to post something, because Modi, you know, feels threatened by all this:

6. Massive spike in Gautam Adani’s page likes

Expect Gautam Adani’s page likes to spike from a few hundreds to a few millions, because only Adani can and would have acche din.

7. Vande Mataram

Given how fascist and dictatorial Modi is, you all can look forward to Vande Mataram being appended to every post / comment as a suffix.

8. Heavy promotion of Temple Run:

Given Modi’s communal mindset, one can expect heavy emphasis to be laid on skill development when it comes to the “Temple Run” game. Modi will want Indians to be world champions when it comes to this game, while caring two hoots about all others.

(Image via indiatoday.intoday.in)

9. Privacy Settings

Given the PM’s penchant for surveillance, it won’t be long before Facebook’s privacy levels are altered in this fashion:

10. Facebook’s AGM:

Last, but not the least, this is how Facebook’s Annual General Meeting would look like hereafter.

Image via chennaionlineshopping.com

For the first time ever, Sivakasi’s famous Standard Fireworks has announced that they will not be setting up firecracker stalls in the state of West Bengal this year, the reason being tight competition which could lead to huge losses for the company.

“It is very unfortunate, but we regret to inform that we will not be setting up stalls at West Bengal this Diwali. Surely, all of you have been keeping up with the recent news of what’s happening in the state and when people are so freely able to manufacture the real deal, there will hardly be a market for people like us who make up and sell petty firecrackers. After hours and days of deliberation over the matter, our management has come to a conclusion that we ought to avoid West Bengal this year. Especially Burdwan. An absolute no-no! Hopefully, by next year, if these manufacturers are no longer around, we can consider coming. Happy Diwali, folks!” read out a statement issued by the company.

The Trinamool Congress, however, dismissed Standard Fireworks’ boycott as a non-issue. “Big deal! I was anyway planning to ban most firecrackers since they’re all red in color. I would’ve only allowed the blue Lakshmi Bomb, the green atom bomb and may be the yellow sparrow ones. The red 500-walas and 1000-walas would’ve anyway not been allowed at all,” said West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee. TMC spokesperson Derek O Brien, too, didn’t spare the occasion to trade barbs at the company, tweeting, “#DereksChallenge Q1. To those in West Bengal only: Name one manufacturer of Diwali firecrackers. (Hint: You heard one for the first time today).”

Standard Firework’s decision, however, came in for all-round praise from Times Of India consulting editor, Sagarika Ghose. “Very relieved and thrilled to hear about Standard Fireworks backing out from my home state! Now, if only they could cancel on all other states too and encourage a noise-free, environment-friendly, crackerless Diwali!” tweeted the former CNN-IBN deputy editor.

Earlier today, Attorney General Mukul Rohatgi told the Supreme Court that it may not be able to disclose the names of those who have stashed black money abroad on account of constraints under the double taxation avoidance agreements. As expected, this was like catnip to BJP critics, who promptly took to Twitter to outrage, and were even joined by some staunch BJP supporters in their criticism. The conversations quickly moved to Facebook where our correspondent Mark Zuckerpandian did his bit and got us this snapshot:

(Translations:
Ahmed Patel: Hey idiot, what for are you going LOL, ROFL?
India TV: Today on Aap ki Adalat, we welcome Finance Minister Arun Jaitley. Arunji, the first accusation on you is..
Mohan Bhagwat: I’m there, right!)

(With inputs from Ajayendar Reddy)

Image via assets.nydailynews.com

The Hyderabad police briefly questioned Vijayendar Reddy, a youth in his late twenties, after the latter was spotted engaging in suspicious activity: switching his cellphone off before getting his motorbike’s tank filled with petrol.

“We have been on alert for the past few days and were patrolling along this petrol bunk, when we spotted this young chap taking his cellphone out before getting petrol filled in. Like anyone else, we thought it was to receive a call or text someone or in the worst case, check-in on Facebook. But we never ever expected him to actually follow the rule of turning his phone off. We were shocked when we actually saw him doing it. So we straightaway decided to nab him and question him,” sub-inspector Kovvulu Gundu Rao told The UnReal Times.

“On further questioning, we discovered that Vijayendar gaaru was someone who actually followed rules – stopping at a red signal, not spitting on the roads, not crossing the divider line etc. We have seen enough movies, so just to make sure that this wasn’t some Anniyan-Aparachitudu types we were dealing with, we detained him for a few hours, provoked him a little, ensured that he didn’t change personality and let him go. Well, at least, no one can blame us now for dereliction of duty,” Gundu Rao added.

The news, however, became a matter of concern to Telangana CM K.Chandrashekara Rao, who immediately ordered his state machinery to undertake another survey of such people. “I received a number of calls from well-wishers who asked me not to shut down the state once again to take this survey, but I’m still going to go ahead with it. Even AAP’s Yogendra Yadav called me and said that even he’s not so crazy about surveys and he asked me to drop the idea. But I didn’t give in,” KCR told The UnReal Times, before attending to a consultation call from Scotland.

A very Happy Diwali to all you folks from the team behind The UnReal Times! Now that you have received the wishes of the big guns, lets move to some other marginal chaps out there on news channels and find out how they wished their respective viewers:

(Image thumbnail sources: 1a, 1b, 2a, 2b, 3a, 3b, 4a, 4b, 5a, 5b, 6a, 6b, 7a, 7b)

Image via indiatoday.com

Pakistan’s premier Nawaz Sharif has requested United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon to intervene in the standoff between the BCCI and the WICB. The BCCI has, in a fit of pique, snapped cricketing ties with its Caribbean counterpart, after the West Indian cricketers abruptly pulled out of the ongoing series with India over pay related issues.

The UnReal Times presents an exclusive copy of Sharif’s letter:

Dear Mr.Moon, 

Asalaam Alaikum! 

Yes, once more! I know you’re already going “Oh No! Not again!” but I have to bring to your attention yet another issue of critical importance, relating to snapping of bilateral ties, this time between the BCCI and WICB. I initially considered approaching India’s Baba Siddique with this issue, but his bad loss in the recent elections is perhaps, an indicator of his weaning skill. Hence, I had no choice but to seek your guidance.

The BCCI has already kept us in isolation for a while and it is now trying to do the same thing with the poor WICB. The board is setting a dangerous precedent, trying to dominate the gentleman’s game. We have always been of the view that peace has to be restored through dialogue (in addition to ceasefire violations, terrorist activities and other things)

Inshallah, you will accept our plea and do the needful to restore order and peace between the BCCI, PCB and the WICB and of course, India and Pakistan also.

Will write soon with another complaint :). Khuda Hafiz!

Yours,
Nawaz Sharif

In related news, the UN Secretary-General has received pleas of a different kind from the AIADMK and DMK, urging his excellency to intervene and ensure that ties between the BCCI and the Sri Lankan Cricket Board also get snapped. “Moon thambi, it’s not just us who is making this plea. Believe you me, it is the whole of India,” DMK chief Karunanidhi tweeted to the United Nations secretariat.

Sources, however, added that senior advocate Ram Jethmalani has decided to fight for the WICB, in the case slapped on it by the BCCI.

All eyes in Maharashtra are on BJP leaders Devendra Fadnavis and Nitin Gadkari, with the mainstream media agog with speculation over who among the two would go on to become the Chief Minister of the state. The two leaders have been in continuing discussions over the matter, even over Google chat. The UnReal Times Google correspondent Sirjee Brin brings you an exclusive copy of the transcript of a chat between the two:

Fadnavis: Yo

Gadkari: Yo

Fadnavis: Wassup?

Gadkari: Nothing much..
gorging on some laddoos! :D
What u upto?
Happy Diwali, btw!

Fadnavis: Haha, nice! Happy Diwali to u too!
Nothing much here…
I hope to have some nice sweets too..
next week, u know, once I become the CM :)

Gadkari: Oh..

Fadnavis: Yeah..so excited, bhai! :)
Just can’t wait for it!
Will be awesome..
to finally do some huge stuff for Maharashtra!

Gadkari: Hmmm..

Fadnavis: What?

Gadkari: Yeah, was just thinking about it.
We need to discuss more on that…

Fadnavis: Oh…

Gadkari: Yeah..
like u know..
have a long, elaborate discussion on it..
and then take an informed decision.
on who the CM has to be..
there r a lot of factors that come into play..

Fadnavis: Yeah, discussion sounds nice..
but I guess it won’t be that hard a decision to make..
after all, u have a lot of ministries with u..
and letting go of them,
finding someone else for it..
is bound to take sometime..
and cause unnecessary inconvenience..
Right? :)

Gadkari: Hmmm..
Hey brb..

Fadnavis: Sure :)

5 minutes later

Gadkari: Back..
Sorry, had gone to refill my plate :P

Fadnavis: Hehe :D

Gadkari: Haan, I get ur point..
but..the thing is..
we’ve got power after so long..
and at least initially..
it sort of makes sense for an experienced, senior person
to take charge, no? :)

Fadnavis: Hmmm..

Gadkari: Once we do well in the first term..
U can take over..makes sense, no? :)
Moreover, many of our MLAs feel the same :)

Fadnavis: Hey phone brb..
Uddhav again! Grrrrr! x-(

5 minutes later

Gadkari: Hehe! :D
Sure :)

Fadnavis: Back..
Ya that’s a good point..
But people these days..
are looking fwd to young leadership more & more
I know I’m not really young..
I’m as old as Pappu :P

Gadkari: Hehe yeah :D
Exactly! :)

Fadnavis: But still..
compared to u, I am :P
Ppl voted us to power, with a need for fresh & young minds
to run the govt, right? :)

Gadkari: Hmmm..

Fadnavis: Don’t get me wrong..
I’m not saying that u’re old & useless..
Of course, even if I become CM,
I’ll obviously bug u every now & then
for guidance..
But I do think we need a fresh face as the CM :)

Gadkari: Hmmm..
Hey gtg now..dinner time!
we’ll talk more on this tomo..
Not that I’m against u..
just feel that we need to discuss properly..
before deciding..
that’s all! I’m ok with either of us as CM..
After all, I can stomach anything ;)
Gnite!

Fadnavis: Sure! :)
Gnite!

Queen Elizabeth II brought the online world to a standstill yesterday, when she sent out her first tweet, in a grand occasion at the London Science Museum. Her Majesty’s tweet elicited a series of reactions from Indian celebrities too. The UnReal Times Twitter correspondent Hashtag Jones brings you this exclusive compilation:

Image via indiatoday.com

The @PMOIndia Twitter handle, which recently live-tweeted a speech by Nita Ambani, has announced that it will, henceforth, also live-tweet scores and updates during Mumbai Indians’ matches.

“For long, people have complained about the @PMOIndia being a very boring one, tweeting only condemnations by the PM and where he is etc etc. We improved it a little, by beginning to live-tweet Modiji’s speeches. We took it a step ahead when we live-tweeted Nitaji’s speech also. Rajeev Shuklaji immediately began to follow us on Twitter, when he heard about it. The next best thing we can do is to live-tweet cricket scores, when Mumbai Indians is playing. We’ll take some of the load off the mipaltan, BCCI, IPL and Cricinfo handles,” a PMO spokesperson told The UnReal Times.

The Prime Minister’s Office, however, added that it had nothing to do with fact that Nita Ambani owned the Mumbai Indians. “Dude, which country are we the Prime Minister’s Office of? So which team should we support? The team of INDIANS? Right?! Doesn’t matter who the owner is,” the spokesperson added.

While the matter has provoked howls of outrage among the Congress and the Aam Aadmi parties, the PMO, did, however, receive ‘qualified support’ from the quarters of Shashi Tharoor. “I see nothing wrong in it. It is a national handle and not the property of any party. When a national handle which has, hitherto, been vapid, is now trying to make its tweets more interesting, I don’t see why we shouldn’t be supporting it!” the Thiruvananthapuram MP tweeted.

(With Inputs from UnReal Mama)

(Image via indiatoday.intoday.in)

Bharat mata ki jai!

Our dear Bhaiyyon Behnon, this is another opportunity for us to offer our greetings to you all and seek your good wishes and blessings. Hope you all had a good, festive Diwali season! It is personally heartening for both of us, a Pradhan Sevak and an opposition leader, to come together, in unbridled unity, towards a national cause. First of all, before we begin, we would like to thank all those who participated in the Swacch Bharat mission so far and with this joint op-ed in the widely patronized The UnReal Times, we hope to take another step toward making this a pervasive phenomenon.

Mitron, Shashi has truly been a great, spirited and an amazing ambassador for the mission. With his awesome effort, he has given a new meaning to the word SWACCH - Shashi’s Wonderful Attempt at Cleaning the Constituency of His! The mission to Clean India must be ingrained in the heart of every Indian and that can only be possible if every Indian learns that to CLEAN is to Compulsorily Learn to Eliminate Abject Nonsense and that INDIA recursively means “I‘ll Never Dirty India Again.”

Mrs.Nita Ambani talked about “Respect for Life” the other day – hope you all do realize that respect for life is not possible without respect for your surroundings. Also, contrary to what a certain Shahzade may say, (Lol! :D), cleanliness is NOT a state of mind, it is a goal that has to be really achieved!

Friends, Indians & countrymen! India has hitherto, never spectated such a Brobdingnagian, ginormous deputation apropos laving it of all the piffle, poppycock, gobbledygook, detritus that is rather ubiquitous! It is a matter of ne plus ultra gratification when you contribute towards scouring your country! As the pithy aphorism goes, “Cleanliness is next to godliness,” and when the man of the zenith echelon, the honorable Prime Minister himself, be it a great legend like Pt. Nehru or Narendra Modiji, accentuates the need to eschew defiling the country, it is only apposite that we all accede!

“Swacch Bharat” will sure entail a few throes from us all, but as another adage goes, “no pain, no gain.” How long will we continue to allure polemic articles on our squalor? Let’s all extirpate ourselves from the shibboleths of “Kuch nahin hoga” and other such shenanigans! Jai Hind!

Mitron, we implore you all to raise both your hands together, say “Vande Mataram” and pick up the nearest broom, clean up your area and call upon adjure others to do the same!

May the force be with you!

Warm regards,
PM Narendra Modi & Shashi Tharoor.

(Image via indiatoday.com)

After naming Pradip Burman, Radha Timblo and Pankaj Lodhiya, the Union government has named Tennis legend Roger Federer as another Swiss bank account holder, continuing its drive against those who hold accounts in Swiss banks.

In a letter to the Supreme Court, an exclusive copy of which is with The UnReal Times, Union Finance Minister Arun Jaitley mentioned, “To the special bench, Supreme Court: It has come to our attention that one Mr.Roger Federer, a tennis player of high acclaim, holds savings accounts with multiple banks in Switzerland. We are trying to track more details about him and his estimated wealth and will intimate you as soon as we receive them. Once again, we wish to reiterate that we are pursuing the matter of Swiss bank accounts with utmost sincerity. Let there be no ambiguities as far as our commitment to calling out such folks is concerned.”

An emotional Federer broke down upon hearing the news. Sources said that Roger Federer’s close friend, Indian master-blaster Sachin Tendulkar too, may be questioned for possible leads. According to a source in the Finance Ministry, an Aadhaar card in Roger Federer’s name was detected in West Bengal, which could be more than enough reason to establish Federer’s Indian citizenship and thus render him vulnerable for an investigation. “Federer is scheduled to visit India in December. I’m afraid he’ll visit various Indian places only on photoshopped pics. He’s gonna be a busy man. He’ll have a lot of questions to answer once he comes here,” a smiling Jaitley said.

The development has knocked the wind out of the sails of the Congress and BJP’s other political opponents who had been demanding that the BJP expose some “big fish” as against unknown businessmen. “When we gave the first 3 names, people mocked us for going after minnows and accused us of protecting the big fish. Well, here you are – this is not just a fish, this is a whale!” exclaimed a triumphant Jaitley. “There are many more names on the list. We are close to netting Martina Hingis as well. It’s just a matter of carefully obtaining proof for all our suspicions,” he added.

The man of the moment is BJP Maharashtra president Devendra Fadnavis, who is all set to become the party’s first Chief Minister of Maharashtra. Right from the 22 rioting cases that he faces, to leaked pictures of his modelling stint, the man is creating waves on social media. The UnReal Times correspondent Sirjee Brin brings you an exclusive snapshot of his Gmail Inbox:

(Click on the image for larger view)

 (With inputs from UnReal Mama)

Image via indiatoday.com

Having faced a lot of flak on social media for their rather tepid coverage of the grim situation in West Bengal, the Indian mainstream media has now come to be at the receiving end of the Jihadists themselves. A few prominent Jihadi leaders in the state have severely censured the media for their flagrant lack of enthusiasm in covering their activities.

“For the levels of heroics and daring missions that we’ve executed, right from radicalizing people, storing explosives and firearms to manufacturing bombs, carrying out blasts to finally drawing the NIA’s serious attention, we deserved to completely engulf at least a week’s prime-time debates on all channels,” a Jihadi leader said, on the condition of anonymity. “But all we’ve been seeing on prime time on all channels are some inconsequential ramblings. Every night, I sat with bated breath and watched The Newshour, hoping that Arnab would tear Derek da or any other TMC spokesperson to shreds, but he’s only been pouncing on Gurunath Meiyappan, Nitin Gadkari and some Khap leaders,” the leader added.

“People are completely right when they said that Arnab is biased. The other day, we got so excited that he was doing a discussion with the hashtag #NewIndianTaliban. For a moment, we went into such a tizzy, assuming that we were finally getting not just our due recognition, but the honor of being equated to the legendary Taliban! But when we clicked on the trend, we ended up banging our heads in shame – turns out it’s some Hindu Mahasabha folks making some silly statements!” another leader sighed. “That’s not just all – he lashes out at Gadkari for hours for, wait for it, not wearing a helmet! But when it comes to people like us, even such chilling activities of terror aren’t sufficient to draw his outrage. Very demotivating!” the leader added.

“Forget Arnab, my favorites are Sreenivasan Jain and Rajdeep Sardesai. I was and am utterly shocked to know that our blasts are not even of the chota-mota level for Vasu sir to talk about. I was waiting for some condemnation from Rajdeep too – I thought he would grab this chance to ask us ‘Did Narendra Modi teach you to Make bombs in India? Did BJP teach you to make bombs?’ and pass remarks like ‘Tumhaare paas bombs hai, lekin class nahin‘ (You have bombs, but no class) but there was nothing of the sort. Only NRI crowds seem to have that privilege. Forget all that, yaar, even a short Vine video of him saying ‘Why has West Bengal turned into a terror hub? Read my book!’ on Twitter, would’ve been gratifying for us, but even that wasn’t to be. So bloody unfair!” another Jihadi said.

“Last, but not least, even Sagarika, though expecting her to mention our religion is very rich and asking for too much, I thought she would at least mention us by labeling us non-Jat, non-Maratha, non-Brahmin Jihadists, but nope! If this lack of coverage continues, I’m afraid we’ll have to just quit terrorism and take up some other jobs man,” the leader cried out.

Image via gettingnowhere.net

Lays’ chips packets, usually associated with birthday parties and other get-togethers as the ideal party snack, were utilized differently, when a bunch of friends who got together to celebrate a birthday party, hung them up on walls, doors and windows in place of unavailable balloons.

“As usual, being a bunch of young Indian teenagers, we started off late and by the time the surprise party began, we were still out of balloons. We were celebrating at our farmhouse and the nearest balloon shop was miles away. We just couldn’t get them by the time her parents brought her in. I then saw loads of giant Lays packets on the table. With the large amount of inflated air in them, they looked exactly like bloated balloons in various colors, yellow, red, green, blue etc with a “Lays” logo on them. So we just took cellophane tapes and stuck each packet on all the doors, windows & lights. They made for balloons so wonderfully,” Ameer Sharif, the surprise planner told The UnReal Times. “Luckily, there was a hot chips shop around and we got big transparent packets, which actually had chips in them, by the time she was ushered in,” Ameer added.

“So when the birthday girl, Masoomi, came in, we took a few needles and punctured some of the Lays’ packets. They produced as loud and as amazing explosive sounds as real balloons and a few chips too, fell upon us all. It was awesome! Of course, from the next time onward, we’ll be careful enough to get balloons in advance, but now we know that in the unlikely event that there are no balloons, we do have a great and reliable backup in the form of Lays’ packets,” Ameer said.

Sources added that a day later, taking a cue from Ameer and his friends, a nearby petrol bunk too used Lays’ packets to inflate air into vehicle tires, when their air pump gave away.