When an ordinary person gets trapped in an elevator, he/she presses the red button if there’s one, or calls someone he/she knows to arrange for rescue. Then he/she waits patiently, perhaps with a hint of anxiety, until the rescue team arrives and gets him/her out. Now how might our celebrities respond if they happen to get trapped in an elevator? (Click here for Part I in this series)
When J Jayalalithaa gets trapped in an elevator:
Tamil Nadu comes to a standstill, when news about Jayalalithaa getting trapped in an elevator breaks out. Chief Minister O Panneerselvam calls for an emergency press conference and in full view of the cameras pulls out a passport sized photo of Jayalalitha from his shirt pocket, gazes at it fondly but respectfully and bursts into copious tears. He also announces a state-wide holiday until Amma is rescued. Schools and shops shut down, buses are asked to stop plying and auto drivers charge eight times the usual Chennai fare which itself is four times the auto fare in the rest of the country.
Lakhs of Amma supporters begin fasting to ensure that she is rescued safely. A few Amma supporters jump into wells in a bid to commit suicide. Many get their heads tonsured, many others hold massive poojas, praying for Amma’s safe rescue. Members of the Kollywood fraternity, notably actors whose films are about to be released, too hold prayer meets, to pray for Amma’s safe return. Effigies of Kalaignar Karunanidhi and Dr.Subramanian Swamy are burnt in various parts of the state.
Photoshopped posters of the elevator bowing before Amma pop up on billboards all over the state.
When the rescue team reaches the elevator to begin the operation, AIADMK supporters form a massive human chain all the way from the elevator to Jayalalithaa’s residence at Poes Garden. The moment the doors open and Amma walks out, a thundering roar goes up. Grown men weep tears of joy. Women beat their chests in sheer ecstasy. CM Panneerselvam prostrates in front of her and hands her a bouquet with one hand while wiping the tears streaming down his face with the other. As Amma starts for her home, one by one, everyone in the human chain prostrates as she walks by.
Once home, Jayalalithaa receives letters from Rajinikanth and Maneka Gandhi, expressing their relief at her safe rescue.
When Deve Gowda gets trapped in an elevator:
A small crowd gathers on all floors of the building in front of the elevator doors, as puzzled citizens press the elevator button repeatedly only for the doors to remain unmoved. Realization soon dawns that the elevator is stuck. No one seems to reach out from inside the elevator either. Soon, the crowd disperses. Someone sticks a ‘Lift out of order’ board across the elevator doors, and the matter is soon forgotten.
Later in the day, the maintenance guy walks into the building by chance, notices that the elevator is out of order, and calls for the repair team. After another few hours, the repair team saunters in, tinkers with the mechanism, and fixes the elevator.
“There you go. Fixed!” says a repairmen, and utters a sharp cry of shock as the elevator’s doors open. A man lies crouching in one corner of the elevator.
Awakened by the commotion, the man stirs.
“Ah? En aythu? (What happened?)” Deve Gowda mutters, rubbing his eyes.
Gowda glances at the dumbfounded faces through half-open eyes, then crouches into a fetal position, closes his eyes, and within seconds, starts snoring blissfully. Once they recover from their shock, the repairmen carry the snoring Gowda out of the elevator to his home.
When Uddhav Thackeray gets trapped in an elevator:
Matoshree is abuzz with activity after news trickles in that Uddhav Thackeray is trapped in an elevator. Within minutes, Sena activists vandalize the building and damage property. Worried for his cousin, Raj Thackeray enquires whether the men who installed the elevator in the building are from Bihar.
Uddhav, meanwhile, refuses to call for help. “I am sitting here peacefully, if somebody thinks that I need to be rescued, they should come here and save me. I will not call on anyone,” he says.
Rescue personnel eventually come. However, it turns out that they were sent by BJP President Amit Shah. When Uddhav comes to know about this, he categorically refuses to be rescued, maintaining that he will be rescued only by Marathi personnel.
He also grants a phone interview to Rajdeep Sardesai who asks, “Does BJP make you feel like a kutta in the elevator?”
Eventually, after some back room negotiations, and an intervention by the RSS, Uddhav relents and allows himself to be rescued.
When Narendra Modi gets trapped in an elevator:
Panic grips the nation, after news of the Prime Minister getting trapped in the elevator breaks out. Twitter is flooded with prayers for the safe rescue of the PM from right wingers and liberals alike. Except Sunetra Choudhury who tweets, “I have no idea why, but I’m so thrilled that Modi is stuck in an elevator :D”
The PM, cool as ever, uploads on his Instagram account, a pic of him clicking the elevator with his DSLR. Mainstream media channels immediately rush to the scene. Camerapersons and reporters jostle for space outside the elevator doors. Rajdeep Sardesai gets into a scuffle with a bunch of Modi supporters.
Rahul Kanwal tweets about a senior fire-safety official who is on his last day of service and expresses his life’s dream of rescuing the PM. The PM promptly responds, “Saw your tweet, @rahulkanwal. Sure, I will be blessed to be rescued by him! I’ll arrange for his transport!”
Within a few minutes, the rescue team arrives, along with the delighted elderly fire-safety official. The team enters the elevator shaft, pries open a slab from the roof the elevator car and enters the space. The team then drills out another slab from the floor of the elevator, and throws down a rope. The PM rappels down the rope to the ground floor, where External Affairs Minister Sushma Swaraj welcomes him back with a bouquet.
The PM removes his shoes, hugs the retiring safety official who rescued him, falls at his feet and seeks his blessings.
The PM also calls up his mother and informs her that he is safe, even as NSA Ajit Doval and Amit Shah walk on either side of the PM, muttering something into their walkie-talkies. Modi then asks everyone to put their hands up. Together, they scream Vande Maataram. Modi says that LIFT stands for LIFe’s Test, which was what it was for him.
The group leaves the scene, while the media continues to wait outside the elevator doors on the wrong floor, waiting for the action to happen.