American forces, in response to North Korean nuclear saber-rattling, have gotten right back at the Kim Jong Un regime, by unleashing a lethal weapon of Indian provenance – not drones, missiles or artillery, but DVDs of Sajid Khan’s Himmatwala. Even as F-16s continue to drop DVDs of the recently released Ajay Devgan starrer over select targets, in what military experts are calling the next generation of devastating psychological warfare, Pongyang has sued for peace. The UN has asked Washington to immediately cease such psychologically destructive military action. “North Korea deserves to be dealt with sternly but no one, and I repeat, no one deserves to be punished like this,” gasped UN Secretary General, Ban ki Moon.
Throwing more light on the new American military doctrine of ‘shock and aah’, General Thomas Canton, head of the US Pacific Command, said, “We are highly impressed with the psychologically devastating stuff that Bollywood is churning out. One of our soldiers came across this DVD in a trash can outside his house. He went ahead and saw it and the next thing we know – he is in a coma with grievous injuries all over his body – apparently he tried to smash his head with a frying pan and followed that by banging it against a wall. According to the neighbours, they were awoken by loud screams of ‘SOMEBODY KILL ME !!!!’ …but before they rushed to get things under control, the man had already jumped from the roof.”
President Obama said he had reluctantly authorized the strikes after much deliberation. “Such options have to be exercised in the rarest of rare cases but since the security of the American people was at stake, I did not want to take chances,” he revealed during a press briefing before dissuading other nations from emulating American actions. “If anyone does to us what we did to North Korea, the consequences will be severe,” he was quick to warn.
American military planners are so impressed with the results that they have commissioned Sajid Khan to quickly produce the sequel to Himmatwala. “We can’t wait to try out this radical mode of warfare on Iran and Afghanistan. Waiting with bated breath for Sajid to churn out more lethal stuff,” raved NATO commander, General John Allen.