Search engine giant Google Inc has decided to deploy ace footballer biter Luis Suarez underwater, in order to scare sharks away from their internet cables.
(Image via dailymail.co.uk)
“It’s about time we took this menace head on and who better than Luis Suarez himself? He has anyway been banned for a while now and we might as well try to use his services to get rid of these pesky sharks. Offence is the best form of defence and once these sharks are bitten more severely than they could ever bite anyone, they will never want to cast even their shadows on our cables,” Google co-founder Larry Page told The UnReal Times.
Suarez, too, has been extremely excited about his new role. “One has to always follow his passion in life and this is an opportunity for me to use my toothy skills to save the world. We’ve had a few trial sessions underwater and it’s been great so far – the sharks are super-scared after I bit some of them. Most of the damaged cables underwater, however, were exclusively for Google Plus data. So that’s okay, it won’t have any impact anyway,” Suarez said before rushing forward to bite our correspondent, thus causing him to flee.
The Indian parliament has suggested to Page and Sergey Brin that Google deploy a team of divers disguised as whales, in order to scare the sharks away. “We used a similar strategy to ward off monkeys in our parliament and to a large extent, the plan has worked. One couldn’t do anything about some of the ones inside, though. Nevertheless, they can try this out,” a parliament official said.
Meanwhile, PETA has strongly objected to Google’s purported move of deploying Suarez to take on the sharks. “It is one thing to harpoon a great white shark, it is entirely another level of atrocity to let loose Suarez on them. We will not quietly accept this beastly treatment of these majestic aquatic animals,” declared PETA spokesperson Alicia Johnson.
